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HF-EnglandxReader Oneshots by Caramel-Kon

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Submitted on
January 27, 2013
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 "Jeez, Britain! How come you're so lame nowadays, dude?"

 'Lame? I was the person who raised you, you bloody git! Show some respect!'

 "Ohonhonhon~ I agree with America, ma chérie! You're quite a softie now, non?"

 'Why you bloody frog!'

 Comments like these filled the meeting room, where the World Conference was supposed to be held; but of course, a meeting with the various countries practically spelled out 'trouble.' In every meeting, at least some sort of chaos ensued.

 Today's topic? England's apparent 'weakness' and 'lameness.'

 If it weren't for him being a gentleman, he would've immediately belted out every snappy thought that crossed his mind as comments about him were made; actually, he would've, gentleman or not. But, he had promised _____ to not get into any trouble, and he intended to keep that promise.

 Though, that was proving rather hard at the moment.

 As America and France teased him about how weak he was, several other things were going on at the same time; Russia was giving China some sort of creepy look, in turn making the Chinese man shudder in his chair, and Italy was having a very lively conversation about pasta with a grim Germany who wanted to facedesk. Canada, well... he was being ignored. Japan, meanwhile, was observing the scenes before him.

 Standing up with a scrape of his chair, Germany slammed his hands onto the table.

 "Zat's it! Already I can tell zat zis meeting is going no where. Because of zis, ze meeting is adjourned!" Rubbing his temples, Germany left for the door, with Japan and Italy, who was still rambling, in tow.

 "Vee! Germany, you should hear of this one time that I nearly burnt my pasta... It was the scariest thing, like, ever!"

 "Ja, and you came running to me crying..."

 As the trio left, followed by the other countries, England decided that he might as well take his leave also. But of course, a certain pair of countries were still insistent on pestering him.

 "Aw, c'mon Britain! You know, if you do think about it, you've grown a bit soft!"

 "Oui! Didn't you used to be a tough pirate back in the old days?"

 "A pirate?! No way!"

 "Why yes indeed, America! Our dear England here used to be a pirate, ohonhonhon~..."

 Fists clenching, England glared at them before stalking to his car; he had had enough of being called weak, and all of those other insults. If only he hadn't promised he wouldn't get into a fight; otherwise, he'd probably have shouted his throat raw at them already.

 Arriving at his house, England opened the door with a scowl plastered on his face. "I'm home..."

 Ears perking up at his rather forlorn voice, you snickered to yourself. No doubt about it, he was angry—meaning you could mess with him a bit, just for fun. You'd make it up to him later, though. "Welcome home, grumpy-pants."

 An inaudible grumble was heard from England as he slumped onto the couch, an obvious look of displeasure written across his face. Stepping towards the angry Brit, you proceeded to poke his cheek in an attempt to provoke him even further.

 "And what has gotten wittle Engwand's knickers in a twist?" You asked, using the most babyish voice you could muster. "What happened, wittle Engwand? Wanna tell _____?" You cooed, now squishing his cheeks with both hands.

 You could see England's face scrunch up in annoyance, a blush coating his cheeks. "Stop it, _____."

 Obviously, you weren't going to stop. This was already too much fun.

 "Aw c'mon, Engwand! Tell momma _____ what's wrong." Keeping up your babyish voice, you nudged him playfully with your elbow. Expecting an inaudible mumble, you were a bit surprised when he made a bold action and pulled you into his lap, nuzzling into the crook of your neck.

 You wanted a grumpy reaction from your British lover, but this was just as good—rather, even better.

 "First off," England mumbled, his lips ghosting over your skin, "I'm not a baby and you're not my mother. I'm more satisfied with you as my lover, poppet." A smile tugged at your lips at his words, a faint blush painting your cheeks. How sweet.

 "And second... I was teased about being weak at the World Conference." England's voice had dropped a bit in volume, showing that he was clearly embarrassed at that fact. A chuckle escaping your lips, you turned so that you were practically straddling him.

 Taking a hold of his face, you smiled at him. "Don't listen to those dolts—they obviously don't know who they're talking to. You're a strong nation, and you better remember that." Leaning in to kiss his nose, England blushed and hugged you closer to him.

 "Thanks, love. But how will I prove that I'm strong, though?"

 "...You used to be a pirate, right?" A smirk started to form on your lips. "Why don'tcha try out that pirate act again? For old time's sake. Maybe then they'll know who they're messing with—and the next World Conference is in a few days, too."

 A devilish smirk appeared on England's face, mirroring your own.

 "Thanks for the brilliant idea, love."


 Head held high and a smirk gracing his lips, England strode into the meeting room, a commanding air around him. Though the changes weren't physical, one could easily tell that something had happened to the once uptight and stuffy Brit.

 "Is it just me... or is there something different with Britain?" America whispered to France, who was sitting next to him. France kept glancing at England, constantly twitching at his new behavior. "Oui—I've noticed it too."

 Seeming to notice that the two were talking about him, England strolled over to them, an arrogant smirk plastered across his face.

 "Aye, it's not nice to talk about others behind their back, you know," England said with his mouth pulled back into a sneer. Now, this was way too out of character for England. Sure, sometimes he was a bit mean to some countries... but never like this!

 "Yo, Britain... are you, like, okay?" America asked tentatively, eyebrow arched. This was both weird... and strangely intimidating. "You're acting a bit weird."

 "Me? Weird?" England said mockingly, feigning hurt. "It's called a personality—why don't you get one?"

 That was enough to stun America into silence—never had England acted like this, at least around him! It was now France's turn to question England's sudden change in personality.

 "England, are you running a fever?" France asked with narrowed eyes. "You don't seem to be yourself... though, I won't be surprised if you were running a fever; leave it to the weak nation to fall ill, ohonhonhon~"

 "Tch, how annoying you are," England spat, before viciously adding, "If I throw a stick, will you leave?"

 Flabbergasted at the way England reacted, France managed to stammer out a, "E-Excuse me?!"

 "You're excused." With a victorious smirk, England placed his hands on his hips. Who knew acting like this could be so easy? As much as England liked the looks France and America had on their faces, he knew that he couldn't really keep this act up much longer; though it was easy, it sure was odd. It made him feel funny, like he wanted to get out of it right away—like an itchy sweater that you really want to escape from.

 Striding out of the meeting room, he could hear voices calling out to him from behind.

 "Vhere are you going?! Ze meeting isn't done yet!"

 "W-Wait! Britain, dude! Just wait until the next meeting, I'll have an even better comeback!" America yelled, and England could practically tell that he was flailing his arms around.

 "Oui, England! We will have an even better comeback, just you wait!" France said, joining in with America's arm flailing.

 A soft chuckle slipped from England's lips as he met up with you, who was standing nearby the doorway in order to watch how things played out.

 You smiled at him, reaching up to ruffle his hair. "Good job—I never knew you could act like that, my wittle Engwish pirate." Again you were using the baby voice to tease him.

 It worked as England rolled his eyes. "Again with that bloody voice, _____? And to be honest, it was pretty easy acting like that. The only trouble I really had was thinking of some witty retort on the spot."

 "Well, it seems like you were pretty good at it," You said. "I still can't believe you could act like your former pirate self, though! I've been so used to your gentleman act, y'know."

 "Is that so?" A devilish smirk crossed England's face, causing you to arch an eyebrow in confusion. What was he up to? With a soft yelp, you found yourself carried bridal-style by England, who was making his way to the car.

 "You'd be surprised with what I can do, _____." England said as he winked suggestively at you. Blushing beet red, you buried your face in your hands—but not before seeing the sweet smile pulling at England's lips, in turn causing you to form a smile yourself.
Mind donating some points for me? Visit my profile to do so!
Request for RinnyBunny-chan.

AND HETA (My nickname on dA. :XD:) STRIKES AGAIN!

This is my first time writing with Pirate!England, or at least, his personality, so please forgive me if it's a bit off asdfghjkl :iconlazycryplz:

I also forgot to include Pirate!Spain and Pirate!France in this one, because before this one I had had another draft, but I didn't like it so I made this one... and forgot to include them. :iconotlplz:


I hope you like it! ;v;
Plot © RinnyBunny-chan and AProudHetalian
Writing © AProudHetalian
Picture © ...I found it on Google Images, I have no idea who the actual artist is. :XD: If you want the picture, just look up Pirate!England in the Google Images search.
Hetalia © Himaruya Hidekaz
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TsundereRomano100 Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2014
CreepyAnimeFreak02 Featured By Owner Nov 10, 2014  New member Hobbyist Traditional Artist
No wonder this is awesome! You are the creator!
FANGIRLHetalia Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Awesome story!!!~
I had to read it again!!!~
SugarKittyPanda Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2014  Student Digital Artist
FANGIRLHetalia Featured By Owner Oct 5, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
It's too awesome to put off reading again!!!~
Oh, and I realized we were somewhat similar in personality...well, I think we are...
SugarKittyPanda Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2014  Student Digital Artist
...I also just realized that.. the moment you typed that... *insert dramatic sound effect here*
FANGIRLHetalia Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Like this:
SugarKittyPanda Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Yep XD
FANGIRLHetalia Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
FANGIRLHetalia Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
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